The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare
A mostly fun action/adventure movie that delivers on what it promises: good-looking people, explosions, and dead Nazis! 5.8/10
Full Disclosure: I wouldn’t consider myself a fan of writer/director Guy Ritchie. He has more misses than hits in his sizable catalog. It seems that every time he steps out of his very specific comfort zone (British underground crime films), the creative risk doesn’t pay off. See (or actually don’t see) King Arthur: Legend of the Sword as probably the prime example. I figured a film like The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare fell just within Ritchie’s wheelhouse to make it worth watching… and it was.
First off, some of you may be thinking, “Why the low rating if it’s worth watching?” Well, there’s a very important, yet subtle distinction to be made between a “fun movie” and a “good film”. My overall feeling after viewing Ministry was that it was fun, not a waste of time or money, but mostly forgettable.
Guy Ritchie has been compared to Quentin Tarantino throughout their respective careers. They broke into the industry around the same time, and their films have some superficial similarities. They both have raging hard-ons for over-the-top violence. They both write scripts full of fast-paced, witty dialogue, and they like exploring the underbelly of society. I’ve even referred to Ritchie as “the poor man’s Tarantino”. That’s probably unfair to both directors. Tarantino is one of the GOATs of cinema, while Ritchie has a particular niche that has served him well for nearly thirty years. I illustrate this point because Ministry will inevitably be compared to Inglorious Basterds. They’re both highly violent World War II films that center around a group of rag-tag ruffians who operate as an unsanctioned unit and absolutely revel in killin’ Nazis. While Basterds is a masterpiece, Ministry is just an escapist romp.
I hate to say this, because I admire artists taking creative risks, but Guy Ritchie has carved a unique lane for himself, and he should stay in it.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare professes to be based on a true story. While Winston Churchill did commission a small group of soldiers to capture an Italian merchant vessel without the knowledge or consent of the British government, that’s about where the “true story” element ends. To put that in perspective, let’s say I once saw Scarlett Johansson driving down Rodeo Drive. I yelled out “Scarlett! Big fan!” She politely nods and drives off, and we never cross paths again. When I relay that story to my friends, I say that I saw Ms. Johansson, she told me to hop in, we drove to her mansion, had a marathon three day series of sexual escapades, then she gave me $10 million as a thank you.
We could’ve had something so special :(
Speaking of beautiful people, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare stars an ensemble cast headlined by the dashing Henry Cavill (Man of Steel, The Witcher) and the always spicy Eiza Gonzalez (Baby Driver, 3 Body Problem). While Cavill is no stranger to the role of leading man, Gonzalez has been climbing the ranks for the past few years and this is her biggest film role to date. The two stars, and their cast-mates, all do a fine job with the roles they’re given. The thing is, there isn’t much character for them to sink their teeth into. As with many ensemble films, everyone falls into an archetype. There’s the demolition expert, the muscle, the tech guy, the honeypot, etc. While the performances are charming and the dialogue is above average, the acting in this movie won’t “wow” anyone.
It’s all about the action, and Ministry had it in spades. The set pieces were all very well done, but since the characters weren’t that memorable, the action scenes didn’t carry any emotional weight.
It was fun to see Henry Cavill ham it up in every scene. We’re so used to seeing him as stoic, monosyllabic meat bags as Superman and Geralt, that I’m sure he had a blast playing something different.
Henry Cavill was obviously having a lot of fun on the set of this movie.
Spoilers Ahead
This movie was a quintessential case of “style over substance”. That has been Guy Ritchie’s Achille’s heel since day one of his long career. While many of his characters have been cool, stylish, and badass, he’s never really made me feel for or empathize with his creations. That’s a major problem with Ministry. The characters and plot take a backseat, (or maybe even a separate vehicle) to the highly stylized action and violence that Ritchie has made his millions upon.
That’s not to say there isn’t a market for such fare. (I mean shit, Michael Bay is still making movies.) I took a 40mg edible, sat back my reclining theater seat (thanks again, Dolby!), and stuffed my face with popcorn and pretzel bites for the movie’s brisk two hour runtime. One thing I’ll say is that at two hours on the dot, this movie didn’t overstay its welcome. While there wasn’t much substance, it also never dragged.
Yeah, yeah. The eye candy wasn’t bad either.
I haven’t said much about the plot, mostly because the filmmakers didn’t really seem to care about it. It’s been done before, and it’s been done better. A group of misfit soldiers are given a mission to go behind enemy lines and blow up some ships to disrupt their supply lines. There’s even the now-cliche bit where “If you’re captured, the government has never heard of you. You’re on your own.”
Another thing that irked me is that the team achieved their objective pretty easily and without many suspenseful obstacles. They all make it out of this supposedly impossible, dangerous mission completely unscathed. The threat of sexual violence against Eiza Gonzalez’s character was neither necessary, nor warranted. Henry Cavill’s character must have had some residual Superman stank on him because he was in god mode throughout the movie. He strolled through each skirmish with a smirk on his face, shouting quips and never bothering to dodge the endless barrages of enemy fire he’s facing. It was like watching someone play a video game on easy. (Come to think of it, this would make an absolutely bitchin’ video game.)
I wonder if Alan Ritchson’s arms have any plans of branching off and starting their own career.
Including Ritchie, there were four credited writers on the movie. That means the script went through multiple rewrites, revisions, and reimaginings throughout the production process. That’s never a good thing. It’s always a case of “too many cooks in the kitchen”. Once the studio execs, who don’t have a creative bone in their bodies, get their hands on it and start giving their notes, the story immediately begins to suffer. It always happens that way, but the egomaniacs just can’t help themselves.
Babs Olusanmokun puts in arguably the best performance in the movie.
5 Quick Hits
One of the more interesting parts of the story is that Ian Fleming is a minor character in the movie. Cavill’s real-life character, Gus-March Phillips, was allegedly the inspiration for Fleming’s James Bond novels.
Another weird comparison that this movie will draw from Inglorious Basterds is that actor Til Schweiger plays a prominent role in both. He’s the closest thing we have to an antagonist in this one, while he plays German soldier-turned Allied mercenary Hugo Stiglitz in Basterds.
The movie being bookended by claims that it’s a true story had me laughing since barely anything that happened between the very beginning and the very end actually occurred.
The use of nameless black characters as “red-shirts” or cannon fodder was a bit problematic. I know they were in the Ivory Coast, but it was still a bit cringeworthy considering all the white people barely got a scrape.
Eiza Gonzalez has some pipes! I wondered while watching if that was really her singing, or if it was dubbed. I came to find out that she released a few albums back in the day. Dual threat!
